A quick Google search…

How I’ve felt lately…

A blur, that’s how the past few days feel. It’s not like I’ve lost time again, I just haven’t done anything worth really remembering.

I guess the important stuff for those of you who may care is as follows:

–> I went to my PCP (primary care physician for those of you still without insurance), and she did blood work and had me go for a CT scan to see if that episode was a stroke or not. Between my shrink and my doc, the three guesses in the running are 1) an idiosyncratic (read: I’m special) severe reaction to the increasing dosage of the Lamictal, 2) a stroke, or 3) a psychotic break. I have several appointments this week to figure out if there is any permanent damage.

–> I was put on two new medications. One is an anti-seizure medicine and the other an anti-psychotic. The jury is still out on them.

–> A friend brought me another A/C unit, so while I had felt like I was going to boil alive in my apartment (at least 100 degrees in the kitchen) and was living on cold baked beans and crackers (the living room was 96), it is now a mere 76 degrees in here. Last night I was able to cook a proper meal (chicken helper made with tuna).

–> I can’t pay July’s rent, so eviction procedures will start again. I made the rounds to Social Security, Social Services, and HRDC, and the result was “Maybe.” Maybe I can get some help, maybe I will have to live in my car, maybe I will have to beg my sister to let my cats live with her.

I’ve tried to have everyone who owes me money to pay up. So far, out of the $900+ that is legitimately owed to me from various sources, I managed to scrape up $75 in a partial refund from a writer’s retreat in April I didn’t go to because I was sick.

~~~

I am finding that I am less and less interested in being on my personal Facebook account. I have 435 friends on Facebook. I am sure well over half of them have no idea what I am going through even through this blog entry, as they all are, will be posted on both my personal account and my page.

I am very tempted to delete all the people I’ve not really had any contact with since this all started. I’d drop down below 100, I’m sure. In any case, I created an alternate profile. I have 250 friends who play the same three games I do. Some of them post very funny things, and in the one gaming group, everyone is polite and has no idea that for the last several months I have slowly and painfully going insane.

They have no past to judge me by, so perceived or expected achievements; they make no demands (other than requests for in-game resources). I have fun there. I like it there. I want to stay.

Financial roller coaster…

Every coin has two sides, right? And even though I have precariously few coins at the moment, today’s financial proceedings had both good and bad elements.

Bad: I woke up in a foul mood and decided I should flake on tutoring. I really wanted to get more pictures of the kittens, but I was in no shape to mold young minds. So I lost out on $10.

Bad: I checked my account balance and realized my unemployment benefits deposit was lower than expected. After some digging, I found out thanks to Congress and lower unemployment rates in the rest of Maryland (like in the metro areas), the number of weeks I can get benefits was reduced, and I have exhausted all funds. No letter, no warning, just no more money.

Good: I can, however, file a new claim in West Virginia since I was technically working there.

Bad: It will be two weeks until I can get paid. Worse: I will be automatically penalized a week. Worser: It will only be $78 a week, which will not cover rent.

Good: This means I should have my Foodstamps upped.

Bad: It is 10 more days until this months FS benefits arrive and my cupboards are bare.

Good: I met with a freelance client and was paid $30 in cash (plus he is a really nice guy).

Good: I did my first nude modeling gig (which went great, more later), and was paid $40 in cash.

Bad: I was super hungry when I got home and splurged on pizza, spending some of today’s haul.

At least the balance is close. I decided, on a whim, to get an Unbirthday Ice Cream Cake, and it will be ready tomorrow. It may be an expense, but I wanted to celebrate being brave today with the modeling.

It’s going to be purple with extra flowers, and I invited my Little Guests to stop by for a piece. Sometimes I wish I could treat my checking account like a tea party with the Mad Hatter…

Clean account, clean account…move down, Move Down, MOVE DOWN!