Surfing the wave of poverty

I met Paul about a year ago. With a brown stocking cap pulled down over his iron-gray hair, a dirty-olive-colored coat covering his 5′ something frame, and a packed lunch box swinging from his hand, someone could easily mistake him for a hobo who has wandered away from the Union Mission downtown. A sidewalk Socrates, Paul works as a dishwasher at a fancy restaurant. He’s enrolled in the nursing program at the community college where I work, and since he is in his late 50s, hopes to graduate in time to retire.

Paul was assigned as my tutee for English 101. Often, when I tutor a student for a semester, he or she requests me again, and I have a small, loyal fan club, who sing my praises into any available ear. It is nice to feel needed. Paul seems to have called dibs on club president and often tries to convince the other members of the English department that they should hire me full-time. Every little bit helps, as the saying goes.

Paul has great stories. He tells them full of excitement, laughing and slapping his leg, leaning his head ever so slightly forward due to an old car accident injury. They are the kind of stories, upon first hearing them, you would be inclined to disbelieve every single word. Some of them are verified by the hallowed authority of Wikipedia, and others are just good to listen to. Paul is also adept at, as he calls it, surfing the wave of poverty, finding free money for school and generous food pantries. Luckily for me, he good-naturedly shares all the tips he knows and has even given me some extra cans of vegetables from time to time. Because this semester I am making little more than a third of what I did in the fall while teaching, I need to make sure my $600+ a month is stretched as far as possible.

I try to keep my monthly expenses low by living in a cheap apartment in the “rough part” of North End and keeping a tight hold on my utility usage. I also receive food stamps from my Uncle Sam—it’s not charity, it’s family. Currently, in Maryland, a single individual who makes less than $1,127 per month is probably eligible for up to $200 in food stamps per month. With skyrocketing food costs, this amount usually covers all my grocery needs; however, a junk food binge too early in the month can result in a diet of Raman noodles, Spam, and generic macaroni and cheese for weeks on end. If you’ve ever lived on a diet of “poor food,” you know that mixing hot Spam jelly and powdered cheese mix can have potentially explosive results, gastronomically speaking.

To get the most bang for my government buck, I cook often and usually pack my lunch. By avoiding the $5 a day for a pre-made sandwich, I save myself at least a hundred bucks a month. Of course, my epicurean leanings often create a continued state of compromise. Some things I refuse to give up—organic olive oil, fresh milled black pepper—I’m not a barbarian! Nonetheless, finding sales or buying in bulk can drastically slash the pinch of luxury grocery items. At a little deli downtown called Passarell’s, reusable plastic containers of everything from whole peppercorns and basil to rainbow sprinkles (what every hippie most desires) are sold for as much as half the high-end market price. Because I always have to do my marketing in small batches (scooter + bungee cords + heavy traffic + multiple bags of groceries = Disaster plus a flattened loaf of bread ), I can easily shop where the price for certain items is cheaper, making a separate trip to a different store for other things.

Once I have found the best prices, the challenge of cooking without a proper set of pots and pans can be daunting. Though my mother took pity on me and bought me a modest set of pans during the recent holiday season, I have learned to be inventive over the years.

Cooking in College: Smushed into communal housing without kitchen space for all but my final year at St. Mary’s College, I was at first completely reliant on the meal plan racket. While at the end of the semester students were allowed to donate some of our excess “blocks” to a local homeless shelter, a cap of only $10 meant that sometimes hundreds of dollars went to waste. At the beginning of my second year there, I realized swapping out the standard meal plan for a spot in the hippie-dippy veggie co-op was several hundred dollars cheaper. I applied and was accepted; however, the filth (too high to clean) and cockroaches (too humane to squash) were too much for me. I left halfway though the semester, receiving a partial refund, and quietly slipped through the mandatory meal plan cracks. My semester spent cooking in a common room taught me that two appliances are vital to contraband college cuisine: a toaster oven and a hot-pot. Nothing will win you friends faster than food in college, and producing mini pizza bagels during Adult Swim guarantees your popularity. Alex, one of my suite-mates from college, made them as her specialty. If you too are trying to go without a meal plan, making friends with first year students and having your richer friends steal you produce from the cafeteria will also smooth the provisions problem.

Grown-up Essentials: Now that I have my own kitchen, a different set of tools are required to manufacture budget fare. First, a rice maker. After living in Asia for a year, I sometimes can’t stomach American food. I miss the rice based dishes of my adopted homeland, Thailand. A rice maker will double as the perfect vegetable steamer, serving up anything from potatoes and cabbage to garlic and parsnips. A little organic olive oil Pam in the steaming basket of my Aroma brand, 12 cup rice maker will assure that carrots and yams won’t stain or stick. Next, while slow cookers have been around for as long as I can remember,  these relics of a mother’s kitchen are fantastic for making inexpensive soups, which can be frozen for later use. And last but not least, my wok is a cherished possession. It is the most versatile pan to own for all kinds of techniques from frying and sautéing to boiling and baking. Well, ok, you can’t actually bake in a wok. But you can cook just about anything in one.

Ready/need to try your hand at survival cooking? Here are a few recipe ideas to start you off. Remember, experiments are encouraged!

Alex’s Pizza Bagels

pizza sauce

shredded mozzarella cheese

mini bagels

Put sauce on half a bagel. Then pile as much mozzarella cheese on top as you can and stick it in the toaster oven until the cheese melts! Then watch anime.

Aj. Ray’s Thai Pineapple Fried Rice

safflower oil for frying

several scallions

a couple of eggs

heaps of day-old Jasmine (Thai Hom Mali) rice

a little fish sauce

several dashes of light soy sauce (not Kikkoman; quality soy sauce makes all the difference)

two handfuls of pineapple (if using fresh, soak in salt water to sweeten the bland American fruit)

red pepper flakes

Optional:

fried egg (kai tod)

Fry scallions in oil, then add egg and scramble. When egg is almost cooked add rice and stir until sizzling. Add sauces and pineapple last. Top with red pepper flakes and fried egg. Think warm, tropical thoughts.

Tiffany’s Lazy Vegetarian Chili

1 box of Fantastic Vegetarian Chili mix

2-3 cups of water (as directed on the box)

2 cans of beans, drained (I prefer black or pinto to kidney)

1 can of whole kernel corn, drained

1 can diced tomatoes (available in low sodium and with spices added)

Several dried red chillies or red pepper flakes to taste

sea salt & milled pepper to taste

garlic & onions to taste (I use lots of garlic and sweet onions)

Optional:

Assorted veggies as desired (mushrooms or carrots can be tasty)

Sour cream, chives, avocado slices, and/or shredded cheddar

Dump everything into the slow cooker on low for about 6 hours. Eat. Freeze. Eat Again.

Bon Appétit!

*Note: This blog is meant for edutainment purposes only, and to that end, I may occasionally use some literary license. With that in mind, I would like to assure everyone that Paul’s dirty-olive-colored coat is not dirty, it is just colored that way. He doesn’t even like dirty martinis.