When is honesty the best policy?

That’s a tricky one…

When your new boss asks you if you have any thoughts on a project (and I always do), that is NOT the best time for honesty. Neither is it the time for honesty when your little sister first asks you what you think of her fiancé.

Honesty is also really difficult when you are sick.

Sure, if your leg falls off and you are annoyingly bleeding about the room, you can be honest. Or maybe if you have a stomach flu for a sensibly limited amount of time, like a weekend when your work/friends aren’t doing anything important. Or maybe a car accident (with visible injuries, to you or the car).

But that’s the point, isn’t it. It has to be visible. It has to fit with other people’s definition of reasonable, believable, temporary.

Because people get bored with long term illness, and people tend to disbelieve illnesses that are not on the surface. Which is crazy since there are so many: narcolepsy, depression/mental illness, HIV, fibromyalgia, cancer….

I know/knew people will all of those illnesses, and really, it is only people with those illnesses who understand that when you tell someone you are not feeling well that it covers more than a virus or a open wound.

Essentially, being sick with something other than a “socially acceptable” illness means you can’t be honest when people ask you how you feel or what exactly is wrong with you (why the hell is that always the first fucking question?)…it makes you a liar.

I was diagnosed as bipolar over 9 years ago but had the diagnosis removed from my record and stopped seeing that doctor. Talk about a river in Egypt. I just started seeing a new therapist and have an appointment with a psychiatrist on the 12th to finally address the issue.

This is the first time I have ever been honest about my diagnosis. I’ve only told a small handful of close friends. And not all of them have had the full story complete with labels.

Some people are very honest like Sarah from Seattle.

I think she is incredibly brave. Just reading her About page made me feel better about myself and made me decide to go ahead with this post (which I’ve been thinking about for over a week).

Not that I think this post is going to get certain people off of my back. Or help people be more understanding when I blow through deadlines, miss meetings, buy $400 worth of comic books, or adopt three new cats in less that two months (the kittens will be here in just three weeks!).

But I needed to put this down, on the record, for myself. I need to label things. It makes them easier to tackle. And at my current rate of a hard-turn-cycle every 4 to 5 days, I need to tackle this. I need to start writing poetry again. I need to file my paperwork for school next semester and figure out a way to pay May’s rent.

I have good days moments and bad ones, but my standard reply to “How are you?” is now “It’s a good day” or, like today, “It’s not such a good day.”

And I hope that will be enough honesty for you.

P.S. (05-05-12) I just read this and thought it is a perfect quote: “Don’t ever ask ‘How are you?’ or ‘How are you feeling?’ because the answer never changes and I don’t want to talk about it. Instead ask, ‘How is your day going?’ or ‘Is there anything you need help with today?'” Thank you, Purple Law Lady!