It only took me three years…

Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was a girl who enjoyed taking her clothes off. I say enjoyed because she was so very comfortable undressing in front of people, even me when we first met.

I was intrigued by this because a) she has basically a perfect body and b) she was always very comfortable with her body. Those two things rarely go together for women, I think, and b) is exceptionally rare. I always wanted to know her secret.

After I met her parents and younger siblings–hippy, groovy, love-the-earth-and-yourself people whom I love–I had a clue. But I wanted her type of confidence desperately. She practically drips it out of her pores!

I definitely didn’t have a confidence building childhood, so I was stumped. Fortunately for me, she decided to remain my friend and also become my personal cheering section, encouraging and supporting me without fail.

I was still a little jealous.

After college, she ended up doing some nude modeling for artists to make ends meet between jobs. I became enraptured with the idea. Maybe that was my ticket!?! I would strip and find my confidence underneath!

When the temporary madness cleared, I realized that I was not going to do that. Ever.

Then during the summer of 2009, I took a class based on Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. For many reasons, it was an important class that had a profound impact on the course of my life, but one thing that did come up was a conversation about my old idea of nude modeling.

Several of the painters in the class told me about a local life drawing group that was always looking for models and which pays $20 per hour. I filed the information away and kept thinking about it.

Eventually, after having a note on my to-do list to call the facilitator for over a year, I finally got the gumption to be added to the list of models in Summer 2011. The first time I was called, I was busy. I was a little relieved.

Then money got tighter. And tighter.

The next time the facilitator called, I gladly accepted the invitation to sit for two sessions for a painting. And this past Thursday, I sat for my first modeling gig.

The Studio is in the basement of The Cumberland Theatre (click image to follow link), which is an old church. The chair was really very comfortable. The only thing that was a little annoying was the robe was too small, which I expected, so I will have to buy one.

The artists, three women and two men, sat in a circle facing me. It was a little intimidating at first. But as soon as I got the robe off, I actually felt better.

I experienced an odd feeling as I posed for the first 20 min. session. All of these people wanted to be here, looking at me. They were intrigued by all my bumps and curves from an artistic point of view. They were not concerned with my dress size! They didn’t care how things sagged other than those sags made for a more interesting sketch.

They were observing, but not judging.

That is a very different sensation than I usually experience when I go out in public fully dressed. I usually hate sitting in restaurants eating by myself because I think about how I must look. Gods forbid I am eating dessert by myself!

I also struggle with high, occasionally paralyzing levels of social anxiety (I keep it well hidden). Some days I simply cannot leave my house, which is why I prefer working from home.

I admit I was nervous Thursday. I arrived almost an hour early, sitting in my car trying not to think about what I was going to do. I texted my friend, and she of course gave me enthusiastic encouragement (along with some practical tips: “If you’re doing a pose for longer that 10 min, choose one that is VERY easy. You will get tired!” and “never let them choose your pose. They can SUGGEST. But you are the one who has to live with it!”

During the first pose, my breathing was rapid and shallow, my muscles tense. But as I slowed and deepened my breathing, my body relaxed.

By the final pose (same pose, I just got a break after every 20 minutes and had to get back into the same pose), I was almost asleep!

So another life goal accomplished…and it only took me three years!

P.S. I took pictures of the works in progress, but I don’t think I am going to post them here. One of them actually looks like me a little. The guys’ breasts, to quote Frida, lacked gravity, and they tended to draw a bigger bellied figure than the women. It was interesting to also note the differences in mediums and skill levels.

Rediscovery

I’m actually a little nervous. Wednesday is the try-outs for the NET AID Benefit Concert, and I’m gonna give it a shot. The last time I sang on a stage for an audience was in 2004 for the St. Mary’s choir.

All those years ago I decided to abandon singing. Why, you may ask, dear reader?

Because I was never all that great and needed to focus on pursuits that might turn into semi-profitable career prospects. So I threw myself into on-campus activism and building the most impressive not-for-profit resume credentials I knew how.

Needless to say, that plan sucked.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I think I helped to accomplish a lot on the SMCM campus, for what it was worth. And I have interesting stories for cocktail chit-chat. But graduating in 2008 gave me near-zero job prospects in any case and especially abysmal ones in the NGO sphere.

I still sing when I vacuum…

Which until recently was almost never. So when a very cool and talented young woman invited me to the try-outs, I decided to give it a shot.

If you live in the Western Maryland area, you should totally stop by!

Mostly I like to sing old gospel songs, like the ones from O! Brother Where Art Thou? It’s not that I’m religious, or even Christian.

I like to sing them because I think they sound beautiful. And because the lyrics are simple and repetitive enough that I can occasionally memorize one. I can also sing them a cappella, which means I don’t have to be good enough to keep time with a musician, and they sound pretty good in my bastardized mezzo soprano/alto one/harmony.

I’m planning on singing “Down to the River to Pray”, “Didn’t Leave Nobody, But the Baby”, and (if I can learn all the lyrics in time) “Ain’t No Grave” (the Crooked Still version since it is simpler).

Of course, if I really wanted to freak people out, I could sing this one by Jen Titus, but I am a ways from learning the whole song…wish me luck, er, to break a vocal chord!

Free May Events: “Make Your Own Story”

Tri-State Community School for the Arts

Looking for FREE activities for your children? This free drop-in workshop on Saturday, May 28, 2011 from 10:00 am to 1:00 pm focuses on storytelling for young students and includes opportunities for students to verbally tell stories or tell a story through pictures as well as write a story down. Held at the Tri-State Community School for the Arts, 115 Baltimore Street, Cumberland, MD, and geared toward elementary school children up to age 16, this workshop will also be relevant for Pre-K and pre-reading/writing students. Story prompts, pencils, crayons, collage materials, and other things to make a story will be on-hand for children to create their own story. No registration is necessary, simply drop-in and create!

Parental supervision is encouraged.

Parking and direct entrance available in the back on the alley (Dexter Place).

The workshop will be taught by our creative writing instructor, Tiffany A. Turbin Santos, who has years of experience in working with children of all ages in a variety of settings. Currently, she is studying poetry for an MFA degree at Carlow University in Pittsburgh and has had work published in several literary journals including the Backbone Mountain Review, a regional literary journal. She also teaches developmental writing at Potomac State College. For more information, visit her website: www.cranberryjade.com.

A variety of writing and art classes are offered at Tri-State Community School for the Arts. Registration for summer and fall classes is available on-line NOW at www.tristatearts.com or call (301) 876-1562 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting            (301) 876-1562      end_of_the_skype_highlighting for more information.

This is the press release for the third of this year’s free children’s workshops I am teaching at Tri-State CSA. I will also be hosting a kids table June 4 for the Plein Air event Downtown as well as other dates TBA. Keep an eye out!

Upcoming Writing Weekend!

Next weekend I am guest teaching at a fabulous writing weekend. I have attend three of these events so far and have loved each and every one of them. This will be the first one open to the public:

DiCoplio Writers Weekend
Friday, April 29 at 6:00pm – May 1 at 1:00pm
Hagerstown, Maryland

Do you have stories to tell but don’t know where to start? Join other writers for an intensive weekend workshop that will help you unlock your unique voice in a supportive and peaceful environment. For 40 hours we will retreat from the world and work together to undertake the creative writing process. And we will each emerge with a completed, original short story. Cost for weekend accommodations, all meals, mini-seminars, and professional writing support is only $75 per person. Contact us today to confirm your spot!

E-mail: dicoplio@yahoo.com. Find us of Facebook, too: April Writers Weekend

Coping with Multiple Writer Personality Disorder (MWPD)

Usually, my Thursdays this semester have been spent in a hodgepodge sort of way with errands and student appointments. I try to keep myself on the clock as much as possible or, at least, make the most of my time, but, invariably, the day ends with me having earned little in the way of money and accrued much in the way of frazzled nerves and stress.

This past Thursday started out rather typically. After an extremely short night of restless sleep (at one point I was standing on my precariously narrow bed, convinced a large rat was in my room. Sorry Ashley), I was off to campus for an 8:30 am appointment. To fill in the gaps in my schedule, I had stuffed my backpack with things needing my immediate attention. Finishing one appointment early, I decided I should go sit in the sun. Vitamin D is so important.

I sat for an hour, busily involved in returning phone calls, making future appointments, outlining my latest freelancing gig, making lists, and trying my damnedest to resist the green mountainside view on the lower part of campus. It’s hard to say what was louder—the buzzing of insects or the buzzing in my head. I had taken a perfectly good opportunity to relax and turned it into a detached moment of forced productivity. Friedrich Schiller would be so disappointed.

Finally, my thoughts (or I should say, my To Do List) turned to this week’s blog, yet I find the single-clutched shift from business writing and course prep to creative writing nearly impossible. While my ability to punctuate a sentence and creatively approach problems lay in a common pool, my business-self and expressive-self, more often than not, exist in two different oceans separated by continents-worth of subtly shifting moods. It is only after my subconscious tide has quietly ebbed in one direction or the other that I can truly work, producing pieces (or syllabi or spreadsheets) I am proud of in an almost Marxist sense.

So basically, that all boils down to “I’m screwed when working on deadline.”

By branching out into private tutoring and editing as well as freelance writing, not to mention six classes this summer and four this fall, deadlines have become a constant fixture in my life. In a word: Gulp!

To survive, I somehow need a way to double-clutch: shift out of one gear into a neutral space to allow easy shifting into an entirely different gear. Otherwise, I was going to burnout my clutch, er, nerves (maybe I should drop the extended metaphor here). In any case, Thursday afternoon, I was searching.

I found a labyrinth.

Several years ago, a labyrinth was built in a small glade near the ACM athletic fields. The design is not even remotely Bowie-inspired (not a Muppet in sight), merely pea gravel and sand-colored stones.

Walking in, the buzzing continued. Lines for this blog, since forgotten, tasks left undone, jokes and questions crowded my mind, flapping to get my attention. Forcing the thoughts away is like negative reinforcement: by focusing on the thoughts as thoughts you are only encouraging more thoughts.

Instead, I listened.

Eventually, my inner buzzing subsided. The rumble of the commercial lawnmower, the metallic clack of the baseball bats, the hum of traffic: the layers of sound were so complex and rich.

Finally, after saluting the four corners at the center and meandering back out, the layers of sound peeled away, and I was with my breath. In and Out. Sacred and Mundane.

I found my neutral gear.

I would not say the experience made me more productive or made me work harder. Besides that was not really the point in the end. I felt happier and clearer headed. And more aware. States that are valuable in and of themselves, which may also lead to better work. I do feel more relaxed and confident, but I also gave myself the evening off (Friday evening, too). I remembered to value the empty bowl. Do you?

*Note: This blog is meant for edutainment purposes only, and to that end, I may occasionally use some literary license. The author would like to apologize for the overly extended car metaphor (she can’t even drive a manual), but she is more than a little excited that the best little sister in the world gave her a car.